All I want to do is sleep. I just fall asleep for no reason. My sense of belonging is flat line.
If I should die tonight and the reason remains unknown, tell not the whole world, but the one I love that I died of a broken heart, not because he loved me too little but because I loved him too much. ~unknown~
Thanks Natasha Terry – this helps! Not bi-polar but the pain from this broken heart feels the same. I just have to be patient and take this one day at a time. Hang on. The hole is deep!
“Fell in a Hole” by The Unsatisfied, performed at BMF Epic Birthday Party, August 2010
Glen Campbell died today from complications of Alzheimer’s disease.
April 22, 1936 – August 8, 2017 – about the same age of my dad also suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. 🙁 I loved Glen Campbell a long time. I love “Wichita Lineman” the most and “I’m Not Going to Miss You“. I loved Glen in “True Grit”
I have this wonderful string of August days that include some of my most beloved people’s birthdays. My mother on August 4th, my Shelby on August 7th and most of all my BMF today on August 5th. He would have been a certain age but now he is ageless. When we were first together he didn’t feel his birthday was such a big day. He would say oh it’s just another day. I said that is ridiculous. Your birthday is the greatest day of your year! And from that first birthday we spent together we would celebrate and make his birthday a big deal every year. Sometimes it was just simple with a bottle of absinthe, crazy loud music and a deck of cards, sometimes a small party with family and cake coring, trips to see the Sex Pistols and Van Halen but in 2010 BMF had the biggest most epic punker birthday ever to happen as far as he was concerned. We thrived on it for a long time. He was in love with it! We were going to try and top it, but we never did.
Now he’s gone and I’m alone on his special day. I plan to celebrate him quietly with marathon work on MusicFilter. He would have liked it. I started tonight to refresh and restore his box trilogy posts at MusicFilter. Those boxes represent so many things that were going on with BMF at the time in 2009. He built them with his hands and he enjoyed it and was so proud of the result. He was really very happy creating them while listening to his music, smoking cigarettes and sipping bourbon all night. When he finished his punk rock shed he placed the trilogy so he could always see them, open them and enjoy them. Now his remains rest inside one along with his special favorite items and photos and I can see and touch and love them. These are priceless artifacts and a reminder of this man I loved so much.
And then he rewards me with his signs. (more…)
Christmas has fallen and she can’t get up. Aw Naw.
Christmas apparently jumps on the Cowboy Clown every morning for a horse ride. The clown slipped on the astro turf and fell on her ankle. Oops, she’s hurt and they take her for x-rays. Funny though how none of the other house guests seem very concerned for her.